HOW I GOT HERE

Ten years ago the New York Times featured an article that analyzed why television dad’s are so dumb. The writer attempted to deconstruct how the depiction of television dad’s have changed so much over the years, from the days of Ward Cleaver to the modern day Homer Simpson and the clueless dads depicted daily on the Disney Channel.

Where did we fathers go wrong? We spend twice as much time with our kids as we did two decades ago, but on television we're oblivious ("Jimmy Neutron"), troubled ("The Sopranos"), deranged ("Malcolm in the Middle") and generally incompetent ("Everybody Loves Raymond"). Even if Dad has a good job, like the star of "Home Improvement," at home he's forever making messes that must be straightened out by Mom.

This article is more than ten years old. It’s only gotten worse since. Many men that roll their eyes at the depiction of dads on television these days. But there is truth to it. It’s not just dads. It’s all of society.

When my kids were little I’d watch shows like Good Luck Charlie and get outraged about the portrayal of the dad.

In the past year I finally realized that the depiction is all to accurate. In fact I was one of those aloof and goofy dads. It wasn’t from a lack of intelligence like Homer Simpson, but more of a lack of engagement. All too often I was in my own little world with my mind feeding off the endless distractions we all face nowadays. Sports. Politics. Social Media. YouTube. The list was endless. My lack of attachment created stress in my relationship. That stress made me pull away from my partner and the downward spiral of non-communication and non-connection.

It has nearly ruined my marriage. Rather than being the engaged partner my wife needed, I too often was the self-centered and aloof stereotype that all too many men have become.

I know I’m not alone. This is why I’m telling my story. After years of denying it and thinking in the back of my head that I had the typical nagging wife I realized the truth. I wasn’t the man that I needed to be for my family and for my wife. I was fifty pounds overweight, I drank too much on the weekends and I had absolutely terrible eating habits. While successful at work and a good provider for my family I wasn’t providing the most important thing— a real man in the house.

To quote Jack Donovan I was a man, but I wasn’t “good at being a man”.

What did I do? For the first time in my life I finally accepted the raw truth about who I was. So I started off on a journey to discover the man that I needed to be for my family. Right now I’m just scratching the surface. There is a long way to go.

This company and this blog is an effort to share with others my journey.

Aaron Barrette: November 20, 2018