One of the more fascinating and delightful books I’ve read in recent years is How Adam Smith Can Change your Life: An Unexpected Guide to Human Nature and Happiness by Russ Roberts of the Hoover Institute and Stanford University. Many will know Russ from his highly successful EconTalk podcast.

It’s based on the “other” book written by the famous Wealth of Nations author and is essentially a self-help book at its core. In the book Smith brings up the idea of the “Impartial Spectator”, which, according to Roberts is:

The Impartial Spectator is the voice inside our head that reminds us that pure self-interest is grotesque and that thinking of others is honorable and noble— the voice that reminds us that if we harm others in order to benefit ourselves, we will be resented, disliked, and unloved by anyone who is looking on impartially.

The idea of the Impartial Spectator is a unique way to frame our conscience, essentially making it a physical construct in the form of a person who is alway near us, watching us. I find the concept interesting and strangely effective especially when we are engaged in a disagreement with our significant other. Since we are most comfortable with our family and friends, those relationships often trigger the most outsized responses. It’s these outsized responses that can create fights that we often regret with our loved ones, the fights we’ve all been in and immediately want to take back.

Next time you find yourself in one of these situations, when fights are escalating and getting personal with negative consequences sure to occur, think of the Impartial Spectator. Stop and think how someone you admire would react to the conflict. Use the impartial spectator as a method to catch and calm yourself, de-escalating the situation.