I have the luxury of working remote for my job. I work in an office with a good friend that owns another company. I like to think that one of the huge advantages of not working in a corporate office is that I have the opportunity to avoid the office gossip and chronic complainers that can sometimes occupy our places of work.

This past week was a more stressful than a normal week. Towards the end of last week I caught myself. I was becoming that guy. Every conversation I had involved me complaining about something. It dawned on me that every time I’d talk to my boss or a co-worker I was complaining about something work related. This made me decide to try to be more aware of this and start tracking how often my conversations turned to the negative. This includes even the small and seemingly minor things.

I quickly realized it was every conversation.

Which got me thinking. How often does the average person complain about something in a day? Studies show an incredible amount. In fact virtually every conversation involves some level of complaining, as much as one complaint per minute according to research. Want proof? Next time you have a conversation with a friend see how often the conversation turns to complaints. Better yet, spend a little time scrolling through your Facebook page. Or the NextDoor app. They’re a veritable smorgasbord of complaints.

I realize we can’t completely eliminate complaining and the reality some complaining, in moderation of course, is actually good. Studies have shown that complaints you have in common with others can create solidarity and build bonds. They’re also great conversation starters.

The problem, like anything, is the chronic complaining. We all know those people. We are often those people. We’ve all had those days were things just aren’t going right so we complain. And complain. And complain some more. What we don’t realize is that over time it builds up. How many times has a seemingly beautiful day been interrupted by some negative news followed by a period of stewing over said news and then complaining to others about said news? Before you know it your headspace is hijacked by negativity.

Motivational speaker and best selling author Will Bowen was so fascinated with chronic complaining that he wrote a book about the subject and his efforts to break the habit of complaining. Bowen’s book A Complaint Free World is a challenge to all of us to recognize and break the pattern of chronic complaining.

From Bowen:

“Two-thirds of illnesses originate in the mind. Indeed, the word psychosomatic comes from psyche, meaning “mind,” and soma, meaning “body.” Therefore, psychosomatic literally means “mind/body.” There is a connection between the mind and body. What the mind believes, the body manifests. Dozens of research studies have shown that what a person believes about their health leads to that belief becoming real for them. I heard a story on National Public Radio where doctors found that if they told patients the drug held great promise in curing them, the drug had a far greater beneficial effect than it did for patients who received the same drug without the suggestion. The story went on to report one study that found Alzheimer’s patients who had other physical illnesses, such as high blood pressure, did not get the full benefit of the drugs they took because, due to their diminished memory, they could not remember taking their daily medications. The mind has a powerful effect on the body.”

Bowen is inherently a positive man who still found himself complaining too often about even minor things. What he found it that none of us truly understand the magnitude of complaining we often do. What Bowen discovered in his research, and something social psychologists have known for a long time is that constant complaining and allowing negativity to continually seep into our heads creates long term damage. The good thing is we can literally reformat our mental hard drives.

From the author:

“Less pain, better health, satisfying relationships, a better job, being more serene and joyous ... sound good? It’s not only possible, it’s probable. Consciously striving to reformat your mental hard drive is not easy, but you can start now and in a short period of time—time that will pass anyway—you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of having.”

So how has Bowen gone about reformatting his mental hard drive? He created a website where you can pick up a purple bracelet and follow a program designed to make you stop complaining for 21 days. Yesterday I signed up for the bracelet and will be taking the challenge. How hard of a challenge is it? According to Bowen it took him eight months to finally complete 21 complaint free days. The program is simple. Find yourself complaining? Move the wrist band to your other wrist and start over.

I’m excited about taking on the challenge and realize it will be difficult but in the end my hope is to accomplish what Bowen did, a re-wiring of my brain that eliminates needless complaining. This isn’t an effort to stop complaining entirely— sometimes there are things that are worth complaining about. My goal is to eliminate the pointless complaining that really doesn’t do anything but affect my mood.

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