I’ve written often about how sales has been my profession for over twenty years. During that period I’ve moved from selling fax machines (door to door!), copiers and printers, and eventually enterprise software for over a decade. I’ve learned an incredible amount about subjects such as emotional intelligence, negotiation, human interaction, champion building, and a host of other things during that period. I’ve also learned a lot about the concept of rejection.

A sales career is all about rejection. Early on, in my twenties, my job was to make cold calls, both in-person and over the phone, all day long. The occasional positive conversation was dwarfed by the number of hang-ups, awkward conversations, and the endless times the prospect told me to “never call them again.” Very quickly I learned to not take the rejection personally— to realize that the prospect wasn’t rejecting me as a person, but rather was rejecting the role I was playing. My ability to separate the person from the role was effective and a tool that I often used to coach young salespeople over the years. I would often relate the story that they could be in line at the grocery store after work and the very person that became hostile with them on the phone might line in front of them and they wouldn’t even know it. In fact, in a different setting, that person most likely would be pleasant. It was a great tool to tell them that the rejection isn’t personal, it was just business.

More importantly, in a sales setting, it was easy to understand that the rejection wasn’t permanent. It didn’t define me and there was always another prospect I could call. As long as I kept a positive attitude and kept working towards the goal, I’d very soon be talking to an engaged prospect and my mind would immediately forget all the rejection that happened right before. I think as humans we understand this. My sales job was just that, a job. It was a way to earn money and support my growing family.

What was interesting though is that this ability to deal with rejection didn’t carry over to my personal life. In that situation, I absolutely did take it personally. I’d ruminate about it, lose sleep over it, and essentially try to pretend it didn’t happen. I was essentially trying to use the same tool I used in business in my personal life.

You can’t do it that way, though.

You have to not only accept this rejection, but you have to own the rejection. You have to embrace it, it has to be part of you. You have to remember how it feels and use that feeling as strength to get up the next morning, embrace another beautiful day on earth, and continue to move forward. Until you embrace and accept rejection, you may find yourself back in the same place. It’s about having a consciousness that is focused on abundance with an emphasis on gratefulness, goal setting, a daily focus on inspired action, the ability to accept and embrace change, and the ability to think positively and let the positive thoughts flow.

It’s not easy though. It’s taken me years to get to this point— and I’m flawed like every other human being out there. The difference is that I now understand better how the human mind works. This isn’t something that has come naturally, but through a deep study of human psychology through a long number of books and resources.

Of course, it’s easy to say you need to accept the rejection and move on, I get it. It’s never easy and the reality is it often leads to sleepless nights and a lot of second-guessing. For me, it helps to think of the billions of people that have lived before me on this earth. Until you accept the rejection and move on, you’ll find yourself forever back in the same place. True resurrection or rebirth doesn’t happen until you fully embrace your past, both good and bad. You can’t tuck it away anymore. You need to own it.

More broadly though, it’s important to remember that it’s never over when it happens. There is always tomorrow. It’s also an incredible learning experience and a chance to grow and understand where mistakes were made and where you could have done better. Finally, use it as an opportunity to challenge your fears so you are prepared even more when the “R” word comes back around again.