The word equanimity is defined as “the ability to let sensory experiences come and go without self-interference.” It’s characterized by “mental calmness, composure, and an evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.”

Now that I’ve defined equanimity, I’m going to elaborate on how I may have, finally, found it.

A warning: This is yet another dude on the Internet writing about how meditation just may have changed his life.

Anyone who consistently seeks wisdom through books, podcasts, videos that focus on mindfulness gets inundated by the “superpower” of meditation. By now it’s universally accepted that a consistent daily practice of meditation has a profound impact on how an individual can process the world. It helps you become more awake and more purposeful in your actions. It teaches you how to respond, rather than react, to situations in your life.

For years I tried and tried. I bought apps, like the wonderful Calm app. I read books on the subject, both modern and ancient texts. I listened to podcasts with a meditation focus. I’d go through streaks where I was meditating every day and start to notice small improvements in how I processed the world. Yet I never truly got to the point that the practice was having a profound effect on how I interacted with those around me. Inevitably I’d get busy in my personal life or fall into a streak of bad habits away from my daily routine, then I’d enter a “stressful” phase in my corporate sales job and everything I learned about staying calm and centered would get tossed out the window.

Then it suddenly clicked. It coincided with a period in my life where I’m going through personal change. The question I ask myself, is why did it suddenly click now? Perhaps the answer is that I needed it to click, it was now or never. At a time when it was critical to find a consistent outlet through meditation, perhaps the practice of meditation found me.

Now it’s firmly part of my daily routine, every morning and most evenings. Most importantly the practice has reached the critical point where I look forward to my sessions every morning and the positive impact I know they will have. I eagerly get out of bed excited to work through my morning routine.

And I think the term “practice” is important. It’s an apt description for meditation due to the fact that everyone struggles with meditation, even those who’ve been practicing it for decades. Our minds can wander, we can get pulled away by outside stimuli, and there are days where it’s just not flowing as smoothly as you would like. What I finally learned was you have to accept meditation as something that will never be perfect, while understanding that it can play a key role in a mindful and centered way of approaching the world.

I have a job that, at times, can be very stressful. My day-to-day world involves helping large corporations find value in complex enterprise software engagements. I sell a product in a space that is ever-changing and evolving. True value is found through building long-term relationships and trust over time. The deal cycles I work are complex and involve complicated negotiations and big financial investments from my clients. This past month I had a complex engagement that included a high level of executive engagement and complicated technical discussions. In the past, such engagements would often find me overly stressed, and as far as my family is concerned, often difficult to be around. This time it was different. Although this engagement had more complexity than most, I had an inner calm and peace throughout the entire process. In fact, my family wasn’t even aware of how complicated the deal cycle was. I’m absolutely convinced this happened due to the equanimity I’ve found through my meditation practice.

Jay Shetty, in his wonderful book Think Like a Monk writes about the difference between the “Monk Mind” and the “Monkey Mind”. The monkey mind is reactive and emotional, while the monkey mind has equanimity and the ability to stay calm and composed. The path to the monk mind is found through a consistent practice of mindfulness in everyday life with meditation being a core component. Now the key is to stay with it! My life has often been a series of starts, momentum, and then stops. This time, more than anything, I’m determined to continue this practice going forward.

More to come…