How I Just May Have Found Equanimity

The word equanimity is defined as “the ability to let sensory experiences come and go without self-interference.” It’s characterized by “mental calmness, composure, and an evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.”

Now that I’ve defined equanimity, I’m going to elaborate on how I may have, finally, found it.

A warning: This is yet another dude on the Internet writing about how meditation just may have changed his life.

Anyone who consistently seeks wisdom through books, podcasts, videos that focus on mindfulness gets inundated by the “superpower” of meditation. By now it’s universally accepted that a consistent daily practice of meditation has a profound impact on how an individual can process the world. It helps you become more awake and more purposeful in your actions. It teaches you how to respond, rather than react, to situations in your life.

For years I tried and tried. I bought apps, like the wonderful Calm app. I read books on the subject, both modern and ancient texts. I listened to podcasts with a meditation focus. I’d go through streaks where I was meditating every day and start to notice small improvements in how I processed the world. Yet I never truly got to the point that the practice was having a profound effect on how I interacted with those around me. Inevitably I’d get busy in my personal life or fall into a streak of bad habits away from my daily routine, then I’d enter a “stressful” phase in my corporate sales job and everything I learned about staying calm and centered would get tossed out the window.

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Emotions are Contagious: Pay Attention to How Your Moods Can Affect Others

About once a year someone in my family of five comes down with a cold and inevitably the entire family gets it, leading to a week of coughing, sniffles and less than optimal sleep and performance. It’s a fact of life, something we all families go through.

There’s another contagion that can run through a family, much more often if you let it: your moods. In fact, studies have shown that it’s as easy to catch a bad mood from someone as it is to catch their germs.

It’s human nature to not always be in a good mood. Life can be frustrating and things don’t always go our way. There are times when life downright sucks, but if you’re a parent, partner or boss you have to be mindful of how your mood can infect an entire room. I write from experience on this. It’s an area I’ve made massive strides in, but I’ve often been very bad at masking my mood. Minor things in my life, such as the performance of a favorite sports team or work related stress would impact my mood and inject negativity into the room.

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Recognizing Your Personal Blind Spots

Over the past couple of months my wife and I have been teaching our fifteen-year-old son to drive. Needless to say, learning to drive in Southern California is quite a bit different than rural Wisconsin where I learned. Sure, we dealt with ice and snow, but didn’t have to navigate six-lane freeways and cell phone distracted drivers.

Last month we decided to push it a little bit and moved on to night driving. While returning home after picking up some takeout in the adjoining town, my son changed lanes and didn’t see the truck in his blind spot. Thankfully an accident was avoided, but not without the requisite horn honking and gesturing from the other driver.

As I was looking back on the near accident it made me think more of the idea of a blind spot. As experienced drivers we reflexively check our blind spots every time we navigate busy freeways. It’s not something we consciously do, just part of the regular routine of driving that’s hardwired into our brain with practice. We all know that not checking our blind spot can lead to a potential disaster.

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Abstinence is a Super Power (Not the Abstinence You're Thinking Of)

The ability to abstain is a superpower.

This isn’t the type of abstinence you are thinking about.

I’m talking about the ability to abstain from the little habits that can be become full blow obsessions. I’m not talking about drugs. I’m talking about everyday things.

Smart Phones. Email. Twitter. Facebook. The NFL. Instagram. Netflix bingeing. Reality television.

It’s often not about what our priorities are, but what are priorities aren’t.

Ask anyone what their priorities are and you’ll get the typical list.

Family. Work. Marriage. Faith.

But It’s the non-essential things we often prioritize that get into the way of our real priorities. For all the emphasis on the important things, like family and our marriage, we let things that shouldn’t be priorities get into the way.

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