Why We Struggle With Willpower and What the Experts Tell Us We Can Do to Improve It

There’s a famous experiment, the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. Young children were put in a room and a marshmallow was placed in front of them. They were told that if they were able to resist eating the marshmallow for 15 minutes they would get a second treat, which was also in their view. The researchers then left the room and observed them. The results were a classic test of willpower. Some children ate the marshmallows immediately. The majority were able to resist and wait the fifteen-minutes and get a second treat.

It was a great test of instant vs. delayed gratification. In follow up studies the researchers found unexpected correlations between the results of the test and the success of the children in later years. In 1988 the first follow-up study was conducted which showed that preschool children who delayed gratification longer in the test were described more than ten-years later by their parents as adolescents who were significantly more competent. Later experiments showed that the children who delayed gratification typically showed higher SAT scores.

I have no doubt that six-year-old me would have failed that test. There are times when adult me may not fare well on it. Willpower has always been a challenge for me in certain areas.

As Cal Newport says, “willpower is the forever struggle of the human soul.”

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Let Your Kids be Bored

Let your kids be bored

 “I’m so bored.”

 It’s a common refrain you hear as a parent, when your child tells you that there is “nothing to do” and they are “SO bored.”

 My forty-something dad comeback?

 I’ll tell them to stop being boring and then follow it up by telling them that they don’t know real boredom. Trying growing up in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s. You don’t know boredom until you find yourself on a cold January morning in rural Wisconsin with three tv stations (my childhood).

Our kids have the requisite video game consoles, books to read, traditional board games to play and, oh yeah, Pacific Ocean is a mile away. Yet, we still hear the refrain of how they are SO bored.

 You know what? It’s a good thing. You want them to be bored. According to Manoush Zamorodi, author of the book Bored and Brilliant, you want your kids to be bored and it’s good to be bored yourself.

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