The Search for Emotional Stamina

November 14, 2020 by Aaron Barrette

My grandmother used to say that both bad news, and good news, can travel in three’s. We’ve all been on the business end of bad news when a series of events makes us believe that the world has conspired against us. It’s that week where the car breaks down just when the checking account is the lowest it’s been in months and the hot water heater just happens to break a day later. Often these personal struggles can coincide with a stressful time and work and in our family life, as we soon become convinced that the world is definitely aligned against us. It’s during times like this that our intestinal fortitude is truly tested— we either get off the proverbial mat or just lay there and let life deal us blow after blow.

Well-known author and psychiatrist Phil Stutz has coined a term for our ability to build resilience in these situations and it’s called “emotional stamina”. Stutz defines it as the ability to bounce back from challenges quickly, in essence, the ability to take our lumps and move on.

When it comes to the human condition, emotional stamina, if cultivated (and it’s hard!) might be our most important superpower. It’s common sense that the ability to respond quickly and positively to adversity, to get back off the proverbial pavement after you’ve been knocked down, is a big part of what makes many successful people just that, successful. In reality, though, it’s extremely difficult. because we are after all, human.

Emotional stamina is about thriving at the worst times, the worse we feel, the more determination we have to get up, dust ourselves off, and keep moving forward.

Why We Struggle With Willpower and What the Experts Tell Us We Can Do to Improve It

February 13, 2019 by Aaron Barrette

There’s a famous experiment, the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. Young children were put in a room and a marshmallow was placed in front of them. They were told that if they were able to resist eating the marshmallow for 15 minutes they would get a second treat, which was also in their view. The researchers then left the room and observed them. The results were a classic test of willpower. Some children ate the marshmallows immediately. The majority were able to resist and wait the fifteen-minutes and get a second treat.

It was a great test of instant vs. delayed gratification. In follow up studies the researchers found unexpected correlations between the results of the test and the success of the children in later years. In 1988 the first follow-up study was conducted which showed that preschool children who delayed gratification longer in the test were described more than ten-years later by their parents as adolescents who were significantly more competent. Later experiments showed that the children who delayed gratification typically showed higher SAT scores.

I have no doubt that six-year-old me would have failed that test. There are times when adult me may not fare well on it. Willpower has always been a challenge for me in certain areas.

As Cal Newport says, “willpower is the forever struggle of the human soul.”

The Distraction Wheel of (Mis)Fortune

November 20, 2018 by Aaron Barrette

Give your brain a break. Please. It’s important.

I often find myself in the endless cycle of what I call the Distraction Wheel. Those times when we are trying to focus on work while receiving texts from friends and your wife, while at the same time dealing with all the other distractions of daily life? We are taking a ride on the Distraction Wheel and it kills our productivity.

The sheer mount of information that is at our fingertips from social media and news feeds? Another ride on the Distraction Wheel. How often do we actually give our minds a break. Just like we relax the body after a long day at work or a killer workout we need to be just as aware of the importance of relaxing the mind.